


couple chapters ahead

by shinsukita



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: M/M, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-27
Updated: 2020-04-27
Packaged: 2021-03-01 20:46:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,864
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23873374
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shinsukita/pseuds/shinsukita
Summary: ''What was that hurt so much about Atsumu having a crush on someone? What was making Kita’s heart hurt this much?''
Relationships: Kita Shinsuke/Miya Atsumu
Comments: 2
Kudos: 73





	couple chapters ahead

''I love you.''

Kita knew better. He was trying, he was patient, he was waiting. He knew that he shouldn’t have said that, he knew but he couldn’t help himself. It was always in his mind, pulling down Kita’s sleeves, wanting to be set free.

They have been dating for few months and things has been going well. Kita knew most of the time reality of dating your crush wasn’t the thing you imagined and if he had to tell the truth, it wasn’t what he imagined. But he knew he wouldn’t change a thing. It was always Kita admiring Atsumu afar, encouraging him and sometimes being his friend. It was a friendship that many questioned, Kita was one year older, he wasn’t a regular, he wasn’t someone Atsumu would pay attention. Kita wasn’t one to think lowly of himself, he didn’t care if wasn’t popular like his teammates, he didn’t care that people didn’t know him like they knew Atsumu and his teammates. He only cared about things he can learn and things he can teach. It was the thing that brought him closer to Miya twins. They were hungry for improvement and Kita knew how. He was watching, observing every moment, every move and every failure. He always shared his ideas with team and they always took him serious. They knew Kita was clever and had to be trusted and him not being regular didn’t mean anything to them, they always respected him.

Being friends with Atsumu wasn’t hard, at least for Kita. Atsumu liked attention and compliments but he also liked criticism. At some point their friendship passed the volleyball line and became more intimate. Atsumu liked asking advice from Kita and Kita liked helping Atsumu.

Kita didn’t see it coming. Some would say that he was a robot, that he didn’t have feelings but people who knew him knew better. He had feelings, he cared deeply. Kita knew about a lot of feelings, happiness, sadness, excitement but jealousy wasn’t one of them. He never felt jealous, he did have a pretty good life, his grades were high, it didn’t matter that he wasn’t a regular. He never felt that pinch in his heart and when he first felt it he didn’t know what to do. First time he felt jealousy was when Atsumu came to him, smiling brightly, asking him to give advice to how to confess. _I think I have a crush on someone from my class_ , he said, but _I don’t know how to not mess it up_. It felt bad but Kita didn’t know why. _What was that hurt so much about Atsumu having a crush on someone? What was making Kita’s heart hurt this much?_ He didn’t realize it back then, now looking back Kita could clearly see that he was already crushing on Atsumu.

Time flew like that. Atsumu dated people, sometimes spent less time with Kita but when they broke up Kita was there to support. Kita never understood why it hurt that much to see Atsumu being sad over someone else. _Maybe it’s because I don’t like Atsumu being sad_ , he thought, m _aybe that’s why I felt bad about him dating someone else._

It wasn’t till the day he became captain. The result didn’t matter to him most of the time, but it was hard to explain how he felt when coach Kurosu made him captain. He still wasn’t a regular but it didn’t matter, he was keeping the team together, his work meant something, he was important. Being important was a new feeling, he was always the person that was just there. Nothing exceptional about him, he was just there for his parents, his middle school team, his high school classmates. It didn’t bother him most of the time, he didn’t want the attention, he wanted to do what felt good to him and make other people feel good too. It felt good to do things out of habit and regularity but it felt good to know the result, his impact on other people too. It was the first time he allowed himself to cry in front of his teammates and it was the first time Atsumu hugged him. He never knew the physical affection would have this effect on him. He didn’t know that he was capable of feeling this much and he didn’t know if he could bare this feeling.

After that moment Kita tried to forget, he told himself that he had to forget, he didn’t want to ruin his friendship with Atsumu and didn’t want Atsumu to feel guilty for not liking him back. It wasn’t his fault, Kita knew that, he also knew that he wasn’t someone Atsumu would love in that way. He was a good friend and he didn’t want to lose that.

Few months into his 3rd year, Atsumu started avoiding him. At first he thought he understood it wrong but even when he was dating people he wasn’t acting like that, he never avoided him. After few days of avoiding, Kita wanted to know why. He cherished their friendship and he knew Atsumu did too and if something was wrong, he wanted to help. Finding Atsumu wasn’t hard, if he wasn’t surrounded by people, he was eating by himself on the roof, watching people. It was what they would do, normally, but since Atsumu wanted to avoid him Kita wanted to give him some space, some place to relax. Kita didn’t know if he should’ve gave him more time but he wasn’t the one to stay back so long and actually lose the opportunity to help his friend.

Kita slowly approached Atsumu. He didn’t know if he wanted to see his face while doing this talk but he felt like this might be their last intimate conversation. He knew Atsumu knew Kita was there but he wasn’t turning his head to look at him.

''Atsumu, do you want to stop being friends with me?''

''Yes, Kita-san. I didn’t know an easy way to say this and I don’t want to break your heart but I don’t think we were meant to be friends.''

In a normal time this would be where he confesses, he would say that he likes him now that their friendship didn’t mean anything to Atsumu. It wasn’t for that he was waiting Atsumu to return his feelings, he just wanted to let it out, he wanted someone other than him to know and maybe he thought if he said it and got rejected he’d feel better. But he knew that he was their captain and this would put risk on their relationship as teammates and he wouldn’t do that to his team. He didn’t say anything, he didn’t cry, he just left.

Kita continued his life, it was less exciting, it didn’t have a sun with soothing smile but it was normal, he reminded himself, it was all he could ask for. He liked being with his teammates, liked playing with them and liked being part of something this amazing. Nationals were gone, graduation was coming and Kita was ready to move on. He wasn’t going to open a new page or leave everything behind, they were always going to be there with him because they were the things that made him the person he was. He wasn’t going to leave his friends or memories, he was simply going to continue the road in front of him.

A week before graduation he got a message from Atsumu. It was simply stating that Atsumu was waiting him on the roof. Kita didn’t know what to expect but he didn’t think Atsumu would message him if it wasn’t an emergency. It wasn’t that they stopped talking and avoided each other, it was just that Kita was only his captain, nothing else. He still continued to give advice on volleyball and Atsumu still asked advice about volleyball. He was glad that there wasn’t any weird tension between them but he was also missing Atsumu too.

When he finally arrived, Atsumu was facing him.

''Kita-san, I would like to say sorry, for treating you like that and telling that I don’t wanna be your friend.''

''Not wanting to be friends with me isn’t something you should apologize for, I can’t force people to like me or my be my friend.''

''I wasn’t lying when I told you that we weren’t meant be friends, at that point I didn’t know how to be your friend and didn’t know how to handle all these feelings. I was wrong, I shouldn’t have avoided you or cut you from my life. I like you Kita-san, I can’t hide it anymore but sorry for ending our friendship and making you sad just because I couldn’t figure it out my shit. I can’t take anything back, I can’t make things go back to normal. I can’t ask you to be my friend again but I don’t want you to graduate thinking that I didn't cherish you as a friend.''

It wasn’t often that Kita lost his ability to form sentences. He didn’t know what to do or what to say. All he knew was that he didn’t expect that, he didn’t expect an apology and he didn’t expect a confession. He didn’t expect his heart to beat this fast too. And that was the second time he cried in front of Atsumu.

Things never went back to normal, they didn’t work towards it. Instead they worked towards a new beginning where they didn’t lie and hide their feelings. I wasn’t hard for them, they always knew how to balance their friendship and dating wasn’t any different. They talked, talked about what makes them sad, what makes them uncomfortable. They talked about how Atsumu couldn’t figure out the feeling he had, how he still tries to understand, how he can’t name it but can’t escape it either. They also talked about what they like in each other, what makes them happy in their relationship and they promised to never hide their feelings from each other even if it hurts to not to hide.

Few months into dating, Kita knew it was more than liking but he also knew that even though Atsumu liked him, he wasn’t at the point to say ‘I love you’. Kita wasn’t sad over this because he knew how much Atsumu cherished him, he knew how much he cared about him and he knew that he loved him but the thing was they weren’t on the same page yet. He knew Atsumu had hard time with figuring out, trying to understand the concept of liking, trying to understand why his feelings towards Kita was any different. Kita had feelings for him for longer and he couldn’t blame Atsumu for not liking him for longer or not understanding his feelings. Saying ‘I love you’ and not receiving back wasn’t a big deal to him as long as it was Atsumu.

''You don’t have to say it back, I wouldn’t want you to be pressured.''

''I do not feel pressured, it’s just that we are reading the same book and you are just a couple chapters ahead.''

**Author's Note:**

> based on a reply to this reddit post!! https://amp.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/ffgbwh/if_someone_says_i_love_you_but_youre_not_ready_to/


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